underachievement | IC INBOX + OPEN POST / memes, psl, etc.

[ Caught in the act. Jess tears her eyes away and feigns interest in the screen. Granted, of all the sports, she finds hockey the most exciting to spectate. It's the violentest one. And it's about as far removed from soccer as one can get. ]

It's what I'm not looking at. [ When was the last time she saw him without the beard? It'd have to be the simulated soiree, when he got an eyeful of her all cleaned up, as well. But for real? Longer than she's going to try and remember. Jess jabs a red pepper with her fork and pops it into her mouth, fighting off a smile. She can practically feel him buzzing from her attention. Dogs really do take on the personalities of their owners. They learned it from watching him. ]

[ juno lays at their feet with a low sigh as if cementing jessica's thoughts in the moment. frank smiles into his food and shakes his head. ]

You really hated that beard. [ he chuckles before taking another drink in an attempt to hide how affected he is by her scrutiny, but truthfully he isn't trying that hard. and even if he did, he would suck at it, so. ]

I can't believe I never told you. [ That's not true. Of course she can. She doesn't regret omitting her disgust, but also she doesn't miss the compulsion -- and she hasn't had the distance to notice that. A part of her is always going to be trying to protect him, but she doesn't have to think through everything she says before she says it, lest it influence him in some way. To take an action as small as shaving, God forbid. She can't believe the measures she had to go to just to kind of barely sleep at night.

she wouldn't have liked him to make the change on her account, not remotely like she likes this. his choice, on his time, for his reasons. so what if they didn't work out how he was hoping? not doing it for her is the most For Her thing he could have done. scraping together the strewn remains of her meal, she finishes it in one big bite and sets the plate down in front of her. Jess reclines with her glass, admiring the blush creeping up to his ears. her audience is thwarted by a big wet nose sniffing closer to her plate, forcing Jess to scoop it off the table before it gets a tongue rinsing. she darts off to deposit it in the kitchen, stepping over resting dogs on the way to and from. ]

[ he laughs some more, watching her go with a disgustingly wistful expression. ]

I knew. [ an assurance that he hopes annoys her, a little. he looks down at his food then and realizes she ate much quicker than him so he makes an effort to clean his plate before she comes back. he gives up though and ends up setting it down on the floor for the dogs to descend on. frank shifts into the corner of the couch so he has support from two sides to watch her return, feeling a pleasant tingle through his belly as he lifts the beer bottle back to his face. ]

[ Her lip and nose twitch. She is successfully annoyed by that. That means he was orienting himself around her, a step ahead of her perceived step ahead of him. ]

Yeah, you read me like a book. [ A sexy book, at the moment. Jess slots herself in right beside him, sort of taken with the look he's giving her, or taken with the freedom not to fear the consequences. The loaded air between them is thrilling her smile into staying, so underhandedly she can't tell that it's still there. The charge of it isn't burning. The dogs are at rest, and the two of them are awake, which for them is safe as houses. For her, this is when real life is hardest to keep a grip on. These are the memories that the silence drowns out, that she loses over and over when the flashbacks pour in. It's worth it, to dig them out again and again. Every time she adds a new one, it gets the smallest bit easier. ]

Only took me, what? Two years? [ or however long it's been. his eyes shift closed for a moment when she leans against him, relishing in the warm contact even through the heat of the night. ] You back to work yet?

[ he has been having trouble wading back into the kind of work he did before, unsurprisingly. unchallenging, physical labor comes naturally to him even now, but he can't focus. working for money seems almost beneath him at this point. it must be different for jess though, right? she's always been naturally snoopy. he's more worried about her interactions with anyone "real" and there's a note of concern in his deep voice he doesn't bother masking. ]

[ He's put to the test then, a telling strain in her temple as she faces the TV. She props her feet up on the table edge, knees bent, to give the illusion she's getting more comfortable, not less. ]

I've taken a couple cases. [ The natural warmth in her voice has vanished, Jess leaning hard into the factual truth. That's better than pretending, and a better cover for omission. ] Open and shut shit. You know, philanderers and the people looking to blackmail them. [ She's paying rent, keeping her fridge skeletally stocked with takeout, supporting her addiction and staying on top of her phone bill. The basic crap she has to accomplish to stave off concern: His, Trish's, Malcolm's, whoever. She's going to have to take another case soon to pay for the glass repair to her door but considering she's the one who broke it, it's ranked low on her hierarchy of needs. Almost as low as addressing what led to its shattering.

Two years didn't pass while they were gone. The anonymity she wrapped herself in has been stripped away from her. She's sick of hearing about herself from other people. They know even less about her now than they did then. Except the clients who bait-and-switch her during the interview process in the hopes of calling a hit on their shitbrick ex-boyfriends. ]

[ she may hate him for it, but he feels better hearing how she really is. it took him a long time to break through and the fact that she'll even answer a question like that seems a testament to his dedication. he nods to show he understands, actively listening while his free hand comes up to rest gently on her arm as he takes another long swallow from the bottle. ]

That's good. I mean, you're a step ahead of me. [ one corner of his lips quirk up in a self-deprecating smile, realizing as he meets her eyes he was very wrong: this is hard for her, too. and why wouldn't it be? they went through the same exact hell ride, which still seems completely impossible and yet here they are. ]

[ Jess shakes her head dismissively. It's a fine line, assuaging justifiable worry and denying herself any sense of accomplishment. She's misstepped in the most intolerable direction, if he thinks she's making progress. ]

I could be a million, [ she remarks thoughtfully, as if the end of her sentence is theoretical as the beginning, not proven ad nauseam, ] and I'd still end up back where we were, sometimes. Like a goddamn bungee cord.

[ She starts to hear herself, how drained she sounds. Jess tucks her shoulder under his so she can curl minutely towards him, rest her head to his chest. In a bold move, she attempts to deflect the conversation onto the hockey game. She can't fake curiosity but she can shift the target of her disgust from inward to outward, and be left over with plenty for both. Jess gestures vaguely to the screen as she leans forward to grab her glass, then settles into the same warm spot at his hip. A particularly alert dog takes that as an invitation to hop on the couch while she drones, ] Who are these idiots?

[ he nods, skirting the line between dismissive and understanding, knowing too much empathy only pushes her away from him. frank drops his hand to his thigh and sits up towards her a little, picking at the label of his beer. ]

Yeah, I- what? [ her question snaps him out of the tangent he was undoubtedly about to go on, and he glances back at the screen with a soft smile tugging back at his mouth. ] Oh, uh. It's just an old playoff game. I've been trying to... catch up.

[ and not just with hockey. ]

[ That was a close one. Talking helps people, people who aren't her, people who are probably him, but they sleep together and have sex and steal moments away in fractures, that they cobble together across encounters, to end up with something broken and whole. They have other ways of communicating so they don't have to talk.

Nobody ever said they were good for each other. Maybe without the other around as a constant reminder, they would be farther along their respective coping paths. Or she'd be a fresh week into the same bender he woke her out of the day he knocked on her door. ]

Trish's show is good for that. [ Okay, it's a lot of interviews with fad experts, she'll concede that with a tug of her lip. Sorry, sis. ] The first five minutes.

[ he scratches behind rocky's ears as he turns back to jess and seems to realize there's a dog between them for the first time. ]

I listen sometimes too. Did you ever go on? [ he says it mostly to rile her up, downing the rest of his drink while he waits for her reply so she can't see the mischief in his expression. ]

Hell no. [ Her chuckling pushes her off of him. Jess straightens, working a crack out of her spine, then has a good gulp of bourbon. She could stand to be a little drunker. The pup perks up alongside her, picking up his head and plopping it on her thigh. She gives him a roll of her eyes and a scrub between his ears, easing into idly petting her hand over his neck. Frank is almost as shameless. Almost. ]

Trish wanted me on, playing the hero, but no. [ A final shake of her head. ] Hell no. [ That goes beyond telling her side of the story. And trying to do that only ever got people killed, and a hell of a lot worse. ]

[ he grins, pushing himself up off the couch to get a refill himself. and while he's up he should probably grab his plate off the floor. tracking down his fork wakes max up and he pats his big block head as he watches rocky and jess get their snuggle on. ]

Not like you need anymore attention, right? Need anything from the kitchen? [ he nods his head that way before heading down the hall, juno jumping up after him and max too like she's terrified of missing out on something. ]

[ For half a second, Jess expects Kamala to cut across her. She was always hungry and pretty much always passionate about what she was eating. Right near the end of whatever it is that the three of them went through, there were more and more good nights in the house. Uneventful, sometimes dour, but good. ]

The bottle, it's on the counter. [ Might as well plan ahead. At half full-slash-empty, her glass doesn't need topping up yet, but she wants to throw one more back before bed. As a precaution. ]

[ he winks in her direction to denote he's got her, then it's a flurry of sounds. the dishes against the sink, the fridge opening, the bottle top flying off and landing on the counter. he grabs her whiskey with the other hand and makes his path back in, somehow losing both dogs on the way. he slots into her other side since rocky is now sprawled in his spot, plus he'd never admit it but he'd rather sit next to her than a dog, most of the time. ]

Here. [ he sets the bottle down on the coffee table before leaning back against her side and taking a long swig of beer. he's back to watching the game without actually following anything that's happening on screen. ] Do you ever feel like... the whole universe is gaslighting us?

[ he wrinkles his nose and takes a shorter sip right after the first. it seems like a random comment, but thinking about trish reminds him of everything that went down in the silent village, and then he's thinking about how trish doesn't remember that. neither does karen, boy was that an even weirder conversation than they even usually have. ]

[ With him on one side and her bottle within reach, she can pass out on the couch, if it comes to that, and have everything she needs at hand. She's equipped to sleep through the night, she's prepared for it, and the worst that could happen is that it simply doesn't come. Insomnia rears its haggard hatchet-faced head. ]

Yeah. [ She plucks at Rocky's ear, gently digging her thumbnail into the crease against his skull. His leg doesn't shake, like a movie dog's, but he does shift his head an inch higher on her thigh, nuzzling for her stomach. ] I can deal with that. [ Demonstrating then and there, she has her deepest gulp of the evening. As long as he stays dead. She absorbs herself in softly stroking Rocky. No one's gonna do any twisted shit to him with her around, and she's going to be around.

Day to day, then week to week, then month to month, from Rouen to the mirrored villages, she couldn't picture herself that far ahead. Here, she can, even if it's a portrait of her squatting in a warehouse, warming herself by the fire of a trash can. ]

[ her more-or-less instant agreement soothes him some, and he nods at her assurance that he knows isn't for him anyway. frank turns his head to watch her shower rocky in affection, smiling as he presses a warm kiss to the side of her face. his problems are mirror-images of hers. the soundeaters and mayorship aside, he's grateful they got away from kilgrave and everything else his presence entailed. it still feels like a fever dream, but being here and having trish, kamala, and karen safe is worth more to him than any of the rest. and over the long stretch he's had to think about it, he's convinced himself all the kids got to go home too, eventually. at least for el and the gang, that place wasn't so different from where they were from.

the real conflicting emotions come from the villages, and not even because he misses having superpowers or hanging with first tier heroes. he just... isn't sure he has a place in the world anymore. jessica, in her own flighty way, keeps him anchored, but he's still in danger of spiraling, he knows.]

I told Bruce that I'd stay, if I got the choice. [ and now that he's back, he's not sure he meant it. kamala and jessica are both back with their families and they remember everything he does. karen and curt have also gotten the full skinny by now, too, even if they mostly think he's insane. that doesn't matter as long as they stick by him, and they do - like glue - because karen especially isn't some biological approximation of his friend. ] I'm glad I didn't.

[ get a choice. decisions are far and few between in his life anyway, and he knows he's predictable as all hell when it comes down to it. he hunkers down as close as he can while he sips from his beer and watches hockey out of one eye. questingly, his free hand rests on her knee, gently rubbing calloused fingers back and forth against denim. ]

Glad I didn't either.

[ She would have gone back, despite the unknowns. As good as her chances were of ending up here, where she more or less fits the mold of her own life, as far as anyone knew, they were just as good that she'd land in another Jessica's universe and have to figure out what to do then. Hell, she could have stumbled onto her own timeline too early and had her mind trapped in her body again. In the villages, she avoided thinking about it until she couldn't anymore. She woke up in her apartment before those discoveries could be made.

Maybe they would have fucked it up, if the villagers and clones crafted their own way home. Maybe they still will, if they're out there.

Rocky sighs dejectedly when she lifts her hand from him, the move over and cover the broad back of Frank's. ] If we were cloned, maybe we're still there. [ She airs the suspicion that's been needling at her. It doesn't make sense as to why they would remember it, but nothing there made a lick of any damn sense. ]

[ her admittance again calms him, and the brush of her palm against the back of his hand has hair standing at the back of his neck and arms. he settles there, his palm wrapped around her thigh so he can appreciate the weight of her hand at his wrist. then she goes on and he glances over at her, trying to gauge her mood surrounding the theory. it isn't a pleasant thought, maybe, but it's also not the worst thing. he'd rather some knockoff of them be there than the real thing at the end of the day, even if it is creepy as fuck. ]

Does it matter?

[ it's a dull ask even as he takes a long swig before shifting in so he can rest his ear at her shoulder, crooked nose hitting the base of her clavicle. her heartbeat fills his head and it's all he can do to convince himself not to crawl into her lap and disappear. ]

[ She tips her head against his, giving her neck a rest. Her thumb rubs a curved line back and forth across his knuckles. If Jess is still there, along with him and Kamala, they're living under the same roof, making dents in the mysteries. Jess will be remaining vigilant for the possibility of Kilgrave's arrival, and harboring her personal motive to find and destroy her DNA records. Nothing short of a sudden teleportation home or a dimension elsewhere was going to stop her. ]

Not unless they try and kill us to take our places. [ She's kind of kidding. Clone!Jess could attempt it on a bender, but aside from that, she wouldn't interfere. She'd slink off and forge a new identity, or walk peacefully into the ocean. Clone!Frank could move to a podunk town and open an animal shelter. Clone!Kamala would probably go with him. If they ever came looking for the Jess they knew, this one would cover her tracks. ]

[ he snorts like that was a funny joke even though he knows it wasn't, well, not really. frank blindly reaches out to set his beer down, which tips but miraculously doesn't fall. he twists towards her that much more, wrapping his arm around her waist so he can rest his full weight against her, something he's grateful he can do again without a single worry she won't be able to support him. ]

Remember when we ran away? [ his throat dries up just to recall it for himself. he'd never felt so free in his life and yet... ] What if we did that again?

[ at least, for a little while. until the world starts making sense again. ]

[ Jess balances her glass on the nearby dormant radiator. Rocky is nonetheless disturbed, tucking his head in against the side of her leg. Both her arms encircle him when he leans into her. He's heavy and she likes bearing the weight of him. She adjusts her head, her cheek nuzzling his hair and her hand splayed across his back. Her other is slung loosely around his hip.

This close, he can probably hear her swallow, similarly parched by the question. He knows that she does and prefers not to. Where he goes next is the last proposal she expected. She grips gently at his side, the hand on his back slipping down an inch or two. ]

Where would we go?

[ he keeps one eye on the dog, smiling softly against her skin at the way he steadfastly sticks by jessica - too like his owner. frank hugs her even tighter, feeling some of the pent-up tension in his frame leech away as she encircles him, a silent pledge to protect the same as rocky. it's something he should feel guilty taking comfort in, but he can't bring himself to feel anything but safe and calm. ]

Does it matter? [ it's pitched low this time, dropped close by her ear as he loses the battle with himself to curl up in her arms, one broad thigh twining with hers. ] Somewhere that's just ours.

Edited 2019-07-13 14:24 (UTC)

[ "Does it matter?" he asks for the second time, inferring the question is on his mind as often as it is hers. Does any of it? If she opens the office? If she returns Trish's calls? If she eats enough? If she wakes up? Does it matter to her, the people she would disappoint if she gave in to her dispassion? Jess has been gone so long from her real life, she's estranged from it.

Why not run away? It's what she did the first time. She moved out of Trish's, got an office, started to make a living, and then Kilgrave revealed himself to have infected it. It's what she did after the Hand's ninja bullshit, and then she woke up practically shackled to that zombie psychopath in another place and time. The villages, she never came to trust, and she got through every day convinced it was inevitable, so there would be no more goddamn surprises.

If this ends differently, in a world where she feels a degree of control, maybe she can trust the rules of life and death like she used to. Maybe. ]

We don't tell anyone where. [ she murmurs, stroking up his back, between his shoulder blades. They can hole up in the sewer for all she cares, as long as there are no loose ends behind (or above) them. ]

IC INBOX + OPEN POST / memes, psl, etc.

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