underachievement | IC INBOX + OPEN POST / memes, psl, etc.

[ Jess drank as soon as the bottle was in her hand, chugging down every drop they'd neglected to share earlier. Relief hit her almost immediately, from the ritual associations if nothing else. The alcohol seeped into her blood more gradually and was well suffused by the time he finished talking. Over the course of her intoxication, his words turned from blocky strings of syllables to seamless smeared strokes on the air, pretty like a painting. His hand on her leg was as smooth as fine bristles on an artist's brush.

She laid her hand overtop of it. ]

It's not that I'm scared. I am, but that's... something else. Goddamn-- [ PTSD. She might have the liquid courage to talk about it but she lacked the energy, still. It was too much to tell, too long and twisted a story. Her head flagged to the side while she regarded him, his eyes so bright in the dimness of the room. ] It's that -- I choose to stay with you, that's my choice. If anything happens to me, then I knew it could happen.

Everyone I know, that I lost, it was my fault, and I don't want that, for you, you know? That's all. [ She lost eloquence towards the end, perhaps not communicating what she meant to. ]

[ Her hand soothed him. It had felt as if Jessica was deciding on whether or not to pull away. The touch told him otherwise. So did her words when she finally spoke.

Hearing her admit to being scared, gutted him. Shadow swore he'd been the cause until she continued a little more. The empathy he felt nearly suffocated him. Jessica had talked about losing people without ever going into detail. He never pushed for more, feeling it was something she should share on her terms.

He took the bottle that she emptied and reached back to sit it on the nightstand behind him.

Shadow was used to her draining a bottle, particularly when she was having a bad day. He figured what he'd told her qualified. Yet maybe it wasn't what he shared but her own demons that she had just alluded to.

His body moved to line up his face with hers, remaining inches apart. ]

It's settled. We stick together and nothing happens to either of us. [ Shadow leaned in and kissed Jessica tenderly, lingering more at her lips than he'd done all night. She could pull back or push him away but he poured his affection for her in the contact. ]

[ Wouldn't that be nice? It sounded something like atonement. But that was the whiskey high talking more than it was Shadow. Jess gave up on the concept of retribution when Hope's blood was pooling on the floor, soaking her knees. The deck was stacked against her. There was no fooling herself into thinking she had the time or chance to make up for the damage done around her. For her. By her.

She deserved to be with someone whose life was as fraught with danger and pain as her own.

Jess relented, though she couldn't say she was appeased. Shadow had sidestepped the matter of guilt, not vowed to deny it. But considering that it was a big ask, she didn't hold it against him. He needed time to work out if it was possible, and if it was, exactly how. She would try to do the same. It was her choice to keep him in her life. If he was irrevocably torn out of it, he wouldn't want her to suffer for it.

Yeah. A big, big ask.

She lifted her hand and held him by the crook of his neck. Their lips nearly parting, she brushed them together again, full and soft. Jess took the scent of him onto her tongue with a small breath and invited him to deepen the kiss. ]

[ It was easier to believe Jessica shut out people to protect herself from being hurt rather than believe she deserved so little in life. Shadow didn't want her to suffer more losses but still took the chance to remain in her life for as long as she'd allow him.

He accepted her invitation to deepen the kiss, a slip with the tip of his tongue and tasting past the liquor she'd been drinking. Shadow could always find her actual taste no matter how much Jessica had. He moved steadily and intricately with his lips to keep the kiss from getting too wet or sloppy.

They hadn't met in a romantic capacity yet it became second nature. He wasn't sure if it was his or her proclivity to go from working a job to ending up in bed but Shadow tried to see being with Jessica different from his failed marriage.

His mouth moved down Jessica's neck rather than allow thoughts outside of her to slip into his mind. ]

[ Jess sighed, baring her throat as his kiss moved down it. She sank into the pillows, gentle grip bidding him to come with her and cover her body. His weight and warmth were reassuring, as foolish as she felt for frightening him. She owed him the truth about her past, the details of her failures. Until he had them, his faith in her wasn't informed. His decision to stay with her, to fight with her and trust her to fight for him, couldn't count for all its worth.

Already, she knew it would be too long before she told him everything. She'd hate herself every second she put it off, fall asleep conflicted every day she managed to avoid it. But as long as she was falling asleep with him, it would be bearable. She'd endure herself day after day if it meant forgetting for one hour with him at night. ]

[ At the end of the day, or the start of it, he needed the physical connection as much if not more than Jessica. She hadn't rejected him or left when he'd confessed his history to her but only as they kissed and she invited him for more did Shadow realize how much he needed to know that she still wanted him.

They didn't need to have sex but that was where the momentum seemed to take them. Shadow had never been shy about desiring her and while Jessica didn't always look back at him the way he looked at her, she initiated sex more than he did.

He shifted back on his knees to take off the shirt she wore but quickly discarded it to the side of the bed before moving on top of her. His mouth returned to hers, content to kiss her a little longer and grind their bodies together than go for the gusto. ]

[ She raised her arms to slip out of the shirt, slinging them around his shoulders when he returned to her. Her knees bent slightly, cradling one of his legs in both of hers. He was big and she found the weight of his presence tremendously comforting. Maybe he felt the same about how slight she was, a tangible illusion that she could be protected.

One she was adamant to dispel, most of the time. With other men, it repulsed her. With Shadow, it wasn't a fair lie to let him believe. But tonight, she wanted it for them both. False security. Trust. A sad slant on hope.

Their mouths and hips moved languidly, each in tandem between the two of them. She let her arms slip from his neck, fingers trailing on his skin, and planted her hands softly on his sides. The grip of one was steady, while the other roamed exploringly across his back. ]

[ Slight wasn't a word that ever came to mind about Jessica Jones to Shadow. Not just because of her strength or attitude or tenacity. The first impression she gave was anything but diminutive in how she'd ordered him around. Yet there was something definitively hidden. Vulnerable.

It was possible he projected that onto her. No, he hadn't forgotten how Jess woke from a nightmare. She had super strength but wasn't invincible. He'd put a lot on her doorstep. At the end of the day, she was human. He needed her, and just maybe, she needed him too.

She felt feminine and strong, intelligent and mysterious, sassy and subsequently sexy. Shadow didn't need her to wear silk or lace, just how she tucked into him when they sat on the couch or laid in bed. How she'd slip in the shower when he was in it.

He might possibly never learn. Sex shouldn't lead into having feelings for someone but Shadow would be a liar to even think otherwise. He'd fallen again. What other reason would he have to go from buying furniture she didn't ask for to packing his things?

Whatever bad dream she had, he hoped it was a distant memory as his mouth moved with hers. More than a press of lips or stroke of one tongue to the other. Their breaths moved rhythmically. As her hands moved over his torso, he held up his frame over her by an elbow as the other tugged down their respective underwear.

Shadow moved slow enough for her to redirect or stop him entirely if she didn't want him proceeding. They weren't new to this dance but something did feel new about it, more than him taking the lead. His face lifted to catch his breath and read her expression. ]

[ Jess let go in order to lift her hips and shove her underwear down. She bent at her side, shoulder against his chest obliging him to ease off just enough so she could push the fabric down her legs to kick it off. While she was there, she helped him with his, too. Then she laid back down and took a breath right as she met his gaze.

He was so beautiful. Anything worthy that he saw in her could only be a reflection of his light, overflowing and rolling back on him. He seemed to love like he wasn't afraid of being hurt. To give of himself with no concern for who should deserve it. She saw the best of humanity in him. A god's love was possessive, selective, back-breaking. His earthly aspect outshone whatever divine gifts came of his god side. He was whole without them; for someone out there to prize him for his powers reduced him to spare parts. There was frightfully little she wouldn't do to protect him from that. ]

Don't say anything. [ she murmured, palms smoothing along his sides and gently over his ribs. Jess was afraid of being hurt -- not by him, but by memories of someone who thought he loved her. It strained her heart and spurred its beating to be this tender and to look him in the eye. Words could push her over the edge, into the past he was trying to take her away from. She wanted to be as good as him. To believe that there was a time in her life when she was capable of it. ] Just my name, if you want.

[ A hand slipped between them to cradle his cheek and pull softly, insisting on another kiss. ]

[ As angry as she could look outwardly--angry, annoyed, frustrated, irritated--Shadow always saw more. Sure, she had grated his nerves at first meeting with how Jessica ordered him when needing his help. That annoyance was short lived. She defied his belief that New Yorkers were selfish and self absorbed.

She'd been in a state because there was a kid's life in jeopardy. It was a case she was paid for but there wasn't the slightest doubt in his mind (or heart) that she'd follow through without payment. From that moment, no matter what exterior she put up, he knew better.

There were glimpses of someone who tried keeping everyone at a distance but not because she wanted to shield herself. Shadow knew that before she ever uttered the words. He knew it better than he knew himself. It was a love his mother had without him knowing, only she kept him close and it was everyone else in the world she kept at a distance.

It hurt to think of the reasons why now as an adult, believing so long as a child that it'd been solely to travel the world. Their journey ended in New York City half his life ago. Oddly enough, his life started again in the city that he swore to write off. More than Jessica, he grew fond of others who seemed to gravitate to him too.

He needed to be careful. His father wasn't the thoughtful type in the least. Yet telling Jessica the truth hadn't isolated him. She supported him, asking questions about his safety. Shadow was ready to say things she couldn't yet hear but probably saw in his eyes. ]

Jessica. [ He uttered huskily when she gave him permission to say her name. The simple utterance of her name said with more warmth than anyone might think possible. It wasn't a surprise that she pulled him into a kiss than have to deal with Shadow looking at her as if she was the the only person on the planet who mattered at all.

Neither was it a surprise when he gave in and kissed her after saying her name. Shadow had all the patience while Jess was more shortfused. In fact, he was pretty sure his patience annoyed her at times. It didn't matter, he kissed her until there wasn't any taste but hers.

She could flip him with her strength; it wouldn't be the first or the last, but she seemed to tolerate his languid touch and kiss. He wanted to savor the moment and maybe have her forget the bad dream she'd had. His hips swayed and rocked to tease between their legs, a hand moving to her thighs one at a time and leaving them on the outside of his hips. ]

IC INBOX + OPEN POST / memes, psl, etc.

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