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[underachievement]

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knocks down your door i'm here for valentines disasters

[deathblade]

[ Literally every suggestion Charles had made to surprise Jess with had been terrible. (It's Jake's own fault for not putting a moratorium on food options or hair-washing.) Consequently, Jake has a bag of candy hearts, a bottle of John B. Stetson (the twenty-dollarest bottle of whiskey in the shop) and a panic purchase of fuzzy plastic handcuffs that molted pink fluff all the way from Jess's front door to her desk like some kind of knock off rose petal trail.

At least, he got the good pizza. (Pizza and whiskey probably would have been fine.) One thing's gone right. ]

Surprise!

[ Which comes out more strained and less exuberant than Jake had intended. Though the second it's out of his mouth he thinks maybe he should have taken some precautions to not get his butt kicked directly through Jess's window if she didn't recognize him. ]